MEN WITH VEN, by Men With Ven

MEN WITH VEN

by Men With Ven

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Grikonen When an album appears featuring songs about Jason Statham and Marijuana and Bacon - you buy that album. Favorite track: Marijuana And Bacon.

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1.	I Can Do That 02:40	lyrics
What exactly do you do for a living? Well... I've been know to do Some painting, decorating, bricklaying Dog training and Wedding DJing.. Welding, gelding, fencing I've even carried stuff for Sherpa Tenzing I've been a farmer, a snake charmer Bill wrote a lesson for the Dalai Lama Carl's qualified in cod psychology And I can turn my hand to gynocology A butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker An overachiever as an undertaker Personal services, assisted showers Fact creation 24 hours A little bit of this A little bit of that I don't charge much And I won't charge VAT Tell me what you want and I'll change me hat I've been there, I've done it I tell ya... I can do that I can do that. Just cash, just cash. Don't mention anything to the tax man And don't write anything down I can do that, a little bit of this, a little bit of that Turn me hand to anything really Alright then I've been a gigolo for Kate Bigelow (nice) An understudy baritone in Figaro I fixed a football match, a fridge and a car. We once ran the bar at a bar mitzvah, A lorry driver and a diver for pearls I taught the Dagenham Girl Pipers how to do their twirls I sold a skip load of make up to Katie Price Some wholesale pharmacy... did that twice I've been a goody, a baddy Trevino's caddy Ask me nicely And I'll be your daddy Bespoke bicycle and boiler repair And if you don't pay Our Bill... You'll get hospice care A little bit of this A little bit of that I don't charge much And I won't charge VAT Tell me what you want and I'll change me hat I've been there, I've done it I tell ya... I can do that Rumour has it that times are hard But I say It's simple economic theory Like that bloke Milton Keynes says Somthing'll turn up But my ultimate ambition What I want to do most of all Is to do nothing at all like our good friend Matt Percival
2.	Beautiful Morning 03:25	lyrics	buy track
Wakey wakey... What a beautiful morning What a beautiful day I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready come what may (Lets be havin' ya) I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face (Oh yeah) I'm guessing last night was a proper disgrace (As If you can remember) My keys and phone and money are in some other place But I'm still feeling fine What a beautiful morning (Iit's lovely) What a beautiful day (So beautiful) I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready come what may (Get up get up get up) What a beautiful morning What a beautiful day (One of the best) I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready come what may (Of course you are) I'm feeling pretty chipper after all that I've done (oh yeah) I slip out of the shadows and step into the sun (mmmm... warming up warming up) I could have a fry up and then go for a run (Nice!) It's such a perfect day What a beautiful morning (Perfect) What a beautiful day (Gorgeous) I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready come what may (Yeah) What a beautiful morning What a beautiful day (Its a treat) I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready come what may (Lets go then lets make the most of it) (Hotter and and hotter, here we go) I've wasted all my time, spent all my money They say its no joke but I still think it's funny It all feels better when the weather is sunny So I'll be on my way What a beautiful morning What a beautiful day I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready come what may What a beautiful morning What a beautiful day I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready come what may (It's a lovely day) What a beautiful morning (It's a lovely day) Come what may (It's a lovely day) What a beautiful morning (It's a lovely day) Come what may
3.	Deptford Market 02:51	lyrics	buy track
The shopping destination for the discerning customer…. We’re going Deptford Market You ain’t seen nothing like it Leave the van Theres nowhere left to park it They’re rolling out the carpet So come and fill your basket Bring your nan We’re going Deptford Market Car parts, Chicken hearts Golf clubs and lightweight darts Mobile phones, dinosaur bones A duffle coat and some Ice cream cones A pound of greens, An ounce of hash A cock, a balaclava and some bangers and mash For your gran - a bottle of sherry And four moody tickets to Glastonbury A cricket bat, a burmese cat Rolex watches and a cowboy hat Furry handcuffs, bunting, shrubs Henry Cooper’s boxing gloves We’re going Deptford Market You ain’t seen nothing like it Leave the van Theres nowhere left to park it They’re rolling out the carpet So come and fill your basket Bring your nan We’re going Deptford Market A plasma telly, a balsa wood glider Particles from The Hadron Collider Dirty pictures of Taylor Swift In congress with Billy Clift Baked beans, fruit machines A brand new reconditioned M16 Mangos and pears and nanny goats Slightly used ten pound notes Prayer rugs and Royal Wedding Mugs A lovely pair of Toby Jugs Tiddlywinks and cava, full strength lager A jar of piccalilli and shoes by Prada We’re going Deptford Market You ain’t seen nothing like it Leave the van Theres nowhere left to park it They’re rolling out the carpet So come and fill your basket Bring your nan We’re going Deptford Market La la la la la….. Zip drives, Stanley knives DVD's of Dave's ex-wives Rubber ducks, pork chops, Dental floss All kinds of chrimatistikos Lexapro, Diazepam Klonopin, Ativan Frigidare, a dancing bear A pair of Carl's old underwear Culture In a petri dish Funny looking frozen one pound fish Sugar puffs and wing nuts, Fisticuff and haircuts Come pick up a bargain Down here! We’re going Deptford Market You ain’t seen nothing like it Leave the van Theres nowhere left to park it They’re rolling out the carpet So come and fill your basket Bring your nan We’re going Deptford Market La la la la la la.... We're all going mental Just so you know, we're Men With Ven .... Westfield my hairy arse
4.	Kiss It Better 03:05	lyrics	buy track
My old mum Was a martyr to her back She had to spend too many hours Lying in the sack But she always had time For me and our Jack There was a teacher at our school Who tried it on and more And when our mother found out She gave him what what for She delivered a backhander And that teacher got shown the door If one of us was hurt She'd hold us to her skirt She's stroke our hair and we would always let her We'd stop making a fuss As she would say to us "Come here son let me kiss it better" Kiss it better, kiss it better That's what we always heard her say Kiss it better I'll kiss it better Ill make all the bad things go away Time passes quickly Now I've got a girl and a son My daughter's called called Chloe She's the image of my mum But Mum was getting older And the doctors told us she didn't have long And as mum was about to go Chloe seemed to know She held her tight and she caressed her Chloe took her by the hand And said" It's ok nan It's my turn now to kiss it better" Kiss it better, kiss it better Don't worry nan, close your eyes Kiss it better, Ill kiss it better I love you, but it's time to say goodbye I love you nan Kiss it better, kiss it better That' s what I'll always hear her say Kiss it better, I'll kiss it better I'll make all the bad things go away I'll make all the bad things go away
5.	Jason Statham 03:06	lyrics	buy track
Jaaaasuun, Jaaaasuun, Jaaaasuun... Sta - Tham He's Micheal Caine, Daniel Craig, Ray Winstone rolled into one He'd have Jude Law for breakfast then Orlando Bloom for his lunch He's hard as nails and make the women go weak at the knees On land and sea they all agree: he's a right tasty geezer Jaaaasuun, From market stall to martial arts Staaaathuuum, He really is different class Lock Stock, Revolver, The Expendables and Killer Elite Cars and cash and guns and birds Snatch and Crank, The Mechanic, Transporter I, II & III Cars and cash and guns and birds Cars and cash Jaaaasuun, From market stall to martial arts Jaaaasuun, He really is different class Staaaathuuum, I'd watch y'self if you're a grass Turkish, Christmas, Bacon, Green, Handsome Rob are some of his names Martin Crawford, Leather, Chev Chelios & Jensen Ames But it don't really matter what he's called cos he always acts the same And I must admit that his American accent is a tiny bit lame Jay - Sun Cars and cash and guns and birds Sta - Tham Cars and cash and guns and birds
6.	The Power Of The Conga 03:08	lyrics	buy track
When Dunga went to Tonga He mislaid his wonga He lost the plot When he lost the lot Somewhere in his madness He threw away his sadness And he is sad no longer Coz he discovered Conga The power of the Conga The power of the Conga It's good for you, it's good for me The power of the Conga Everybody Conga Over land and over sea World Cup winner Dunga Felt the calling of Conga He sold his yacht in Rio And bought a flat in Onger He did it with Jane Fonda In the back of his old Honda He usually likes 'em blonder But hey it was Jane Fonda The power of the Conga The power of the Conga It's good for you, it's good for me The power of the Conga Everybody Conga Over land and over sea You don’t have to buy it lady You don’t have to buy it … It’s free! Dunga sang this song Dancing in his thong His muisses thought he wronged her Couldn't take it any longer She took up King Kong Who was marginally longer. So Dunga smoked a bong And went dancing to the Conga The power of the Conga The power of the Conga It's good for you, it's good for me The power of the Conga Everybody Conga Over land and over sea
7.	The Missus 02:02	lyrics	buy track
The church bells rang The choir sang And I I swear my heart went bang Then the vicar said... She was The Missus I looked at her She looked at me I knew right away she would always be Undeniably... The Missus To have and to hold Until we both grow old She will always be... The Missus Through indiscretions and reposesions and the odd counciling session She has never stopped being The Missus For richer for poorer I'll always adore her I love her She is The Missus Till death do us part She'll always have me heart I there's one thing I'm sure of This is She always was She'll always be A part of me Eternally I can guarentee Forever the The Missus Yeah she's The Missus She''ll never stop being The Missus
8.	Special Brew 03:12	lyrics	buy track
I get my medication from a gold can Made by a Danish man I’ve been drinking it for most of my life span It’s much better than All the other stuff I’ve pissed down the pan I hear the implication that it’s bad news But that can’t be true It’s been helping me with everything that I’ve been through So here’s what you do Join the Men With Ven Cheers everybody, everybody got a cold one Watch me now ‘cos I’m gonna pop a gold one Special Brew Special Brew Some people get embarrassed when they’re buying it Feel like a sleazy git It doesn’t even bother me a tiny bit I do as I see fit I’m not gonna stop now the fuse is lit I’ve enjoyed a bit of what you might call rock ‘n’ roll It helps to feed the soul People do a lot of things to feel whole But the truth be told Nothing is quite as good as gold Cheers everybody, everybody got a cold one Watch me now ‘cos I’m gonna pop a gold one Special Brew Special Brew Cheers everybody, everybody got a cold one Watch me now ‘cos I’m gonna pop a gold one Special Brew Special Brew De forbandede Englændere! Vi ved jo godt at de drikker hvad som helst for at blive fulde. Hvorfor holder de sig ikke til deres eget lunkne øl! Export øl? For pokker da!!! Vores Tuborg og Carlsberg skal da nydes af folk der ved hvordan og hvad man drikker. Engelske fulderikker Those damned English(men)! We know (that) they will drink anything to get drunk. Why don't they stick to their own tepid beer! Export lager? Our Tuborg and Carlsberg should be enjoyed by people who know how and what to drink. English drunkards. (Spitting sound) Cheers everybody, everybody got a cold one Watch me now ‘cos I’m gonna pop a gold one Special Brew Special Brew Cheers everybody, everybody got a cold one Watch me now ‘cos I’m gonna pop a gold one Special Brew Special Brew
9.	String 'Em Up Pt1 02:59	lyrics	buy track
Crack dealers, Car stealers, Hoodie wearers , faith healers, Jonathan & Diana Ross, Kiss me Kate & Stirling Moss Gary Lineker, Imran Khan The President of Uzbekistan George Clooney, Wayne Rooney Alan Bennett ..... What a looney Enoch & Baden Powell, Peggy Ashcroft - dirty cow Tracy Beaker & Pol Pot - tell me who else have we got We've got Ving Rhames, Sid James , Rappers with stupid names Sherlock Holmes, Garden gnomes, Catherine Zeta Fucking Jones String 'em up, String 'em up String 'em up, String 'em up Amy Winehouse, PJ Harvey Lily Allen, Marcus Garvey Spikey, pikey cider drinkers. Red Rum in his blinkers Shilpa Shetty, Ugly Betty Ren & Stimpy, John Paul Getty Welsh, English, Irish Scots Bring 'em 'ere string up the lot String 'em up, String 'em up String 'em up, String 'em up Billy & Melvyn Bragg, Jeramy Paxman, Fat Slags Janet Street Porter, Stalin's daughter, Shakespeare's sister Leeds supporters Pope John Paul, George, & ringo Slag and chavs playing bingo Adolf Hitler Mel & Kim But not Matt Percival - we like 'im Imams, rabbis, vicars and priests Anyone who's got false teeth Matt Groening, Michael Palin, Anyone that is into sailing Cockneys, Scousers, Geordies, Mancs Ian & Tony & Gordon Banks Dot Cotton Johnny Rotten Loads of people we've forgotten String 'em up, String 'em up String 'em up, String 'em up
10.	What Is He On? 03:04	lyrics	buy track
Geezer! He glows in dark Geezer! He swims like a shark Geezer! Always up for a lark And he don’t need a suit like Tony Stark Geezer! He’s impeccably dressed Geezer! Bullet’s bounce off his chest Geezer! Or get caught in his vest and he’s got more swerve than Georgie Best What is he on? Can I have some? What is he on? Can I have some? Geezer! He can eat vindaloo Geezer! He’s really good Kung Fu Geezer! I’m not better than you But I’ll give it a go if you want me to What is he on? Can I have some? What is he on? Can I have some?
11.	Marijuana And Bacon 02:28	lyrics	buy track
I'm Starving! Marijuana And Bacon Marijuana And Bacon Marijuana And Bacon Pork's what y' need when you smoke that weed Marijuana, or more specifically it's active ingredient - Tetrahydrocannabinol - has a well documented tendency to stimulate hunger. And while scientists have tried to trace this property to Cannabinoid receptors in the brain, they have had little understanding of the neurol circuitry underlying this effect. The body, it seems, contains specialised proteins called Cannabinoid Receptors. Isn't that amazing? Marijuana And Bacon Marijuana And Bacon Marijuana And Bacon Pork's what y' need when you smoke that weed Endocannabinoids and cannabinoid receptors are abundant in the Hypothalamus - the reigon of the brain that plays a pivotal role in appetite regulation. 1n 1992 researchers identified the first endocannabinoid and named it Anandamide from the Sanskrit - Ananda - meaning "inner bliss". So.. when you smoke dope you are replicating an effect the body does naturally... Wow! Marijuana And Bacon Marijuana And Bacon Marijuana And Bacon Pork's what y' need when you smoke that weed
12.	All Together Now 02:41	lyrics	buy track
One two three four Can I have a little more? five six seven eight nine ten I love you A B C D Get your big arse cross my knee E F G H I J I love you Bom bom bom, bompa bom Get ‘em in, bompa bom Chop ‘em out, bompa bom Get ‘em off, bompa bom Look at me All together now (All together now) All together now (All together now) Eins, zwei, drew, vier Can I have a lager beer? Rose, brune, orange and bleu I love yer All together now (All together now) All together now (All together now) Bom bom bom, bompa bom Take a trip, bompa bom Ecstasy, bompa bom Dirty cow, SHUT YER MOUTH, bompa bom Look at me All together now (All together now) All together now (All together now)
13.	Kiss It Better (full length version) 04:12	lyrics	buy track
My old mum Was a martyr to her back She had to spend too many hours Lying in the sack But she always had time For me and our Jack There was a teacher at our school Who tried it on and more When our mother found out She gave him what what for She delivered a backhander And that teacher got shown the door If one of us was hurt She'd hold us to her skirt She's stroke our hair and we would always let her We'd stop making a fuss As she would say to us "Come here son let me kiss it better" Kiss it better, kiss it better That's what we always heard her say Kiss it better I'll kiss it better Ill make all the bad things go away Well me and Jack we grew up And Jack went off to war He won a bunch of medals But he brought back so much more He could never talk about The awful things that he saw At night I'd hear him scream From the horrors of his dreams And mum would run to him and hold him tight She'd hold on to her son Until the sun would come And the nightmares would fade into the light Kiss it better, kiss it better That' s what we always heard her say Kiss it better Ill kiss it better Ill make all the bad things go away Time passes quickly Now I've got a girl and a son My daughter's called called Chloe She's the image of my mum But Mum was getting older And the doctors told us she didn't have long And as mum was about to go Chloe seemed to know She held her tight and she caressed her Chloe took her by the hand And said" It's ok nan It's my turn now to kiss it better" Kiss it better, kiss it better Don't worry nan, close your eyes Kiss it better, Ill kiss it better I love you, but it's time to say goodbye I love you nan Kiss it better, kiss it better That' s what I'll always hear her say Kiss it better, I'll kiss it better I'll make all the bad things go away I'll make all the bad things go away

about

Three men and nearly as many chords, on the road from Barking to Deptford.

Telling it the way it is, in pubs and markets, treading the highway and the sticky carpet.

credits

released March 24, 2014

Produced by David Barratt at The Abattoir Of Good Taste

Written and performed by Barratt, Clift & Marsh

Logo design: Gary Brady

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Men With Ven London, UK

Three men and nearly as many chords, on the road from Barking to Deptford. Telling it the way it is, in pubs and markets, treading the highway and the sticky carpet.

MenWithVen.biz

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